dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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