Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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