This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap