i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
