the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon