I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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