plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
