I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
