ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
