The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
