great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
