Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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