Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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