i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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