i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
