i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
