pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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