Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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