Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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