Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
