I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
