yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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