hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
