let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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