handjob tips. give me some.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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