Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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