Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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