hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
