oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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