That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
