Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize