What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
