his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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