what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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