did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
