she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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