i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
