YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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