dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
that's an acceptable place to lick
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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