I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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