im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I didn't notice because vodka
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
