i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
