NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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