you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
