Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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