I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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