I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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