Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
