I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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