I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
