To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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