just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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