I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
