he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize