Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
