I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
