she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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