I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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