Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
