I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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