They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
