You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
there is glitter all over my balls
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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