My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
