Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
