I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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