hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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